I absolutely abhor this feeling. It is the feeling of a surreal emptiness. The viewing of this world as just a passing cloud where everything is just temporary, when everything seems meaningless, vague, void and tasteless. Yet in this ever shifting world, you have to put up a delectable facade to meet your fellow beings. In the midst of swirling dancing lights,people,chuckles, aroma of food,wine and booze. I felt that time suddenly stood still in my own world. Walls of perpetual darkness sprang up from nowhere engulfing me from within. Exasperated to claw my way out, my will gave way and I succumbed to the walls vowing to bring me down. I can almost feel their fangs, paws, nails posing lethally to dealt me a slow painful stroke. Yet who can physically testify this? I do not have an alibi. I joke ard, my 'usual' self yet these walls are adhering onto me like countless leeches, they are draining whatever sanity which is left. As much as I wanna preserve this sanity as much I wish to give it up. The need to deal with 2 worlds seem daunting and ever so draining. I felt being eaten tendon by tendon, mercilessly from inside. The insides are being emptied leaving only an almost empty shell. The air almost seem too viscous to even breathe. Air seem to be being drawned out breath by breath leaving a soon to be remnant of a chrysalis. The only strings attached to this seemingly chrysalis are soothing music,food and whatever is there to keep struggling in this realm. A realm where it feels blizzardly cold and dry like a desert. Where hardly an meagre ounce of water and warmth seem like precious diamonds embedded in the impossible to reach skies. The stillness of a cold night is like a steel cold surgeon's scaple being thrusted endlessly. Swift,deadly,cold,quiet,silent,void. In this world where anyone could not care less. Dun you simply adore depression? It is like cutting yourself up and getting addicted to the taste of your own blood. Depression can be addictive if you are used to it.
Right, my boss came back yesterday. Then he told me I will be going to China for a business trip sometime in early Feb. :o WHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA. Eh it is a business trip to visit the company's factory and I am quite clueless where it is. WHHAHAHAHAHAHA. Shiok! Then it dawned upon me that my Uni lessons will be starting sometime in Jan and I still dun have the time table YET. WTF. This reminds me to call them after X'Mas. Anyway I asked my boss in a jokingly manner if I will ever get the chance to go Japan. He said yes. ahhaha. So old then get the chance for a business trip. hehe. He also mentioned that he is too busy, once I know the ropes, I will be handling the Japanese market. :OOOOO My new Samsung D600 is tinted. It is no longer the perfect phone. There's some particles which got inside the screen SOMEHOW. They are at the top left hand corner of the perfect screen and my eyes keep focusing on them. Anyway I think I will get over it over time. I rem I was quite pissed when there's some funny scratch on my SE K700 previously. Still I prefer how my sold K700i works. This wk will be a long weekend. I will be going to a friend's wedding dinner on Mon @ Raffles The Plaza. Heh I love wedding dinners well, maybe the food more. ahaha. I will going with 2 other friends. Hope the food is good and in sumptuous amount. haha. I got invitation to a colleague's church play at Victoria Concert Hall, if I rem correctly. I also got invitation to a friend's church svc. Somehow somehow, I still cannot bring myself to church and I dunno why. Somehow I feel too 'viled' to walk into such a holy place in the presence of church people and God. The sight of people particularly church people's eyes on me when I walk in too much for me to bear. It is like having lasers shearing right through me. Worse, I fear their questions. I fear their attention. I kept telling myself, someone like me will never get blessed esp the people whom I wanted. It is a gut feeling. I can only get good stuff if they can be bought by money. Anyway, I am happy with my mac, my new mobile phone and of cos the freedom of singlehood. Someone from the distant past came back with an sms. For what reasons she smsed me I dunno. Sure enough this cause some ripples in the new found freedom and peace of singlehood, be the ripples subtle or not. Anyway, after sms-sing her sis this morning, then I realise one thing which I shld realise long ago. Finally the answer is out. Like I said, 'someone like me will never get blessed esp the people whom I wanted.' It is like a gambler who wanted so much to strike a fortune, how many ever strike one? Same analogy applies to me. It is not abt low self esteem or whatever. It is just...oh well...Well I dun really care. A friend said, X'Mas can be a lonely time for many. So I guess the feeling of yearning will sorta fluctuate. eh here are some sample pics from my new phone except the Fiona Xie one. hehe. Low self esteem? no way! -Fiona Xie, my goddess. hehe. Last but not least, HAVE A BLESSED CHRISTMAS WITH ALL UR LOVED ONES AND MAY UR CHRISTMAS BE FILLED WITH LOVE,FUN,JOY and LAUGHTER!
my senior commented like I look like a Japanese dog. knn.
-current mobile phone wallpaper.
Work has been relatively oke. Nothing much. The lady boss went for an overseas trip on Thurs and my boss went to Jpn on Fri. YAY~~~I was assigned to design the labels of the fishing lines for the company. They have some exhibition coming in Feb, so they need someone to bring a new lease of life into their very 'chee-na' looking labels. Since they know I came from a design background, so..haiz. But before this I was asked to 'design' a X'Mas card. I did one : The lady boss commented if I can make anything more serious than this, so I gave her Then I got no more replies from her. Hahaha..All the above are done in GIMP. A free opensourced Photoshop like image editing prgm. Of cos Photoshop is more powerful la. Anyway they have not a single clue what software am I going to need for the designing of the labels, so I told them Photoshop and Illustrator. X'Mas is drawing near and for an early X'Mas present I got myself a new mobile phone which is the Samsung D600!. I am broke after getting it but oh well. Abt this phone, well its functions still lack the ituitiveness of SE phones. SMS-sing is not as straight forward. Contact list is quite a mess cos the phone displays both contacts in ur phone (after u copied them from ur SIM) and also ur SIM card. So there's a duplicate. -.- But the coolness is the small form factor, the sliding is excellent. The screen is EXCELLENT with a screen res of 240 X 320 and 262k color. Not many phones can match this res. It also comes with a 2MP cam and a 64MB T-Flash card which is so small u can blow it away. The phone can be used as a thumb drive if the mem card is inserted. MP3s, photos, videos,Office documents can be transferred over a supplied USB cable.
of cos I dun use the "Limpei" in the version sent to my boss.
and 
It costed me $420 after a $100 rebate of recontracting with singtel, a $10 more discount and a $200 trade in of my 1+ yr old k700i which the joystick is getting a tad cranky not as responsive as before.
I managed to survive one week @ work! ahha..Work is oke so far. Was tasked to do a translation of the company's e-brochure which is a cd-rom printed on a namecard size plastic. 1st impression, the printing is awful. I could hardly make out the text and pics on the plastic. When I popped the cd-rom into my pc, the e-brochure will auto run. 1st impression, ugly interface, ugly fonts, colors and some English mistakes. WHHAHAHAHAHA I managed to finish a draft of the translation which is about over 30 pages of text. Loads of technical terms but the more difficult stuff is the descriptions of the products. There is another section left, with more paragraphs. My boss gave me 2 months though. Finally managed to speak to the Jpn agent on Tues. It was oke, not as bad as I thought it wld be. Obviously I cld catch some parts of what he was trying to say. To practice on my pathetic listening, I am watching more anime and downloading pod casts of Jpn radio prgms. Hopfully it will help. From the brochures, I realise the company does not only deals with nettings for aqua-culture but also for agri-culture and construction. We have factories in China, Thailand too. My colleagues are of an international cast. The Japanese is actually Peruvian. Another guy is from Mauritius. He could speak French. He is quite a quiet fellow, hardly speaks. The Japanese could not really speak Japanese but could speak Spanish. 2 more colleagues were overseas in some Middle East country, they could speak Arabian. There is a Malaysian. I believe the rest are locals. For me, I can speak 1/10 baked Japanese. hahahahaha. The office is terribly cold and it does not really help esp I am sitting under the air-con whhahahaha. The boss reminds me of my ex-ex-ex boss in Sembawang. Dun be deceived by the 'ulu-ness' of Ubi Industrial Park, there is an array of canteens and food-courts situated within a few meters from my office. The one directly opposite has quite good food. The chicken rice is quite good and I had 3 plates already hahaha. Even my Malaysian colleague knows I like chicken rice. Not yet tried the other stalls. Besides the food, there are suprisingly alot of ahem not bad office gals too! whahahhaha. Speaking of so, there is one particular gal whom I have been noticing at the bus-interchange which I take every morning to work. She is a student I believe cos she and her friends just behave so typically student like. So I think they cld be students on industrial attachment. Right, so I was looking at her and I notice (I think) she was also looking back. HHHWHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAH. There is also this guy, who is dressed like a playboy.(top few buttons unbuttoned) Tall dark and considered handsome with an guai lan attitude to boot. I believe this is the kind of guy whom gals find it irresistible, right? =/ I finally made my UniSIM payment on Sat. Was kinda disappointed to know that UniSIM is actually a building in NP. Blk 82 to be exact. I was told that my lectures wil be held there. -.- The food there is very cheap. I had my lunch there and it was only $2! But the amount was little less. Of cos besides the real lunch my eyes were treated with the eye candies of SIM. WHAHHAHAHAHA.... Well it has been like 5 yrs since I have stepped into a school. I wonder how it will it be like to study and work at the same time. I am also wondering if I ever need a laptop. I dun think I wil be getting an ibook. Most likely if I ever need a laptop, I will get myself a cheap dell. The current one being advertised on TV is a VERY VERY good buy. But I am holding it since I dun even know if I ever need one. Christmas is coming!!! This year will be no different yet kinda different. Dun need to worry anything about getting pressies except one for myself..hehehe Samsung D600 most likely!
I started my 1st day of work on 1st of Dec after a 2 + months break from my previous company. This is probably one of the furthest location I have worked in. It is in Paya Ubi Industrial Park. Oke, it is not THAT far. Total time taken to work (train and bus included) is only ard 1 hr and 15 min. But it definitely seems far. haha. 1st of work, I woke up at 5.45am (reminded me of NS days) and I stepped outta house at 6.30am thinking it is THAT far that I need a 2hrs to reach the place. My official working time is 8.30am. I ended up at the office before 8am. Finally a Malay colleague arrived and I stepped into the office. I was sitting around when I sniffed some burning smell. Anyway I did not really bother it until my colleague pointed to the ceiling and...one of the ceiling flurosent lamp was on fire! The connecting part was apparently faulty. She wanted to use water to splash but I was worried it might trigger a short-circuit. I took the fire extinguisher, looked at the instructions, aimed above and put out the fire which was actually getting bigger. *clap clap clap* I was thinking, wtf man. First of work and a fire broke out. Work is oke. The director I am supposed to be assisting was not back yet then. I just got to know he is the BOSS of this company and the lady I was assisting for the past 2 days is his WIFE. She was also the one who interviewed me. The company is actually dealing with nets for aqua-culture. Saying it as a fishing net company sounds so raw. Nets seem to be a general word. We deal with fishing and aqua-culture cages. Some are multi-storeys high meaning there are several cages connecting to make a huge one. I saw a few with specifications which are more than 10 cages. I saw the Japanese specification sheets. Honestly I could hardly understand if not for the English words there. I think it was done by the Japanese agent. It is literally like asking a layman to look at an architecture's floor plan. The specification sheets are REALLY specification sheets. There are SOOOOOO much details. Details like how many meshes is the opening of the cage, the color of the draw string used to close the opening, color of the ropes, types of plastic used for the meshes, types of ropes, frames, how long is the hanging rope, kind of knots used etc. It is like a mountain of technical jargon. Anyway for the past 2 days, I was basically translating the Japanese emails for the lady boss. And it is nott easy as it seems even for a short casual sentence. What bothered me was i made some careless mistakes ytd with regards to the changes in colors of the ropes. Colleagues are fine for now. There is a Japanese gal though. Some are overseas and some are on leave. The canteen opposite has quite nice food. I had chicken rice yesterday afternoon and it was quite good especially the chilli and chicken feet peanut soup. Can't believe I had chicken rice again this evening for dinner. I will get to meet the REAL boss on Monday and guess I will speaking to the Japanese client and agent soon after. I hope this time, I can manage to work long enough to carve out a career for myself and also to improve on my Jpn speaking and listening.
[I Love]
God, church of our saviour, food,animation,photography,games, Jpn culture, pretty gals, high-tech gadgets, comics, Gundam models, layered hair, plucked eyebrows, mascara, blusher, Mika Nakashima,Ayumi Hamasaki, Namie Amuro, Sun Yanzi, Jay Chou, David Tao, Faye Wong, F.I.R, Flowerpod, Yoon Eun Hye,Fiona Xie, Lin Zhi Ling, Yoon Eun Hye
[I Abhore]
hypocrisy, injustice, shallowness, materialism, lies.
[Past Entries]
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