Johann Low

火曜日, 6月 19, 2007

[fever]

Took half-day to see doct for my sore eye ytd afternoon, who knows after I took my med, fever came again. This fever led me to be in semi conscious state. Was practically sleeping the whole night, was on and off on and off and my face was burning. Anyway, fever subsided the next morning. Did not have too much of an appetite for the whole day and I was not hungry at all from that little amount of dinner I had the night before.

Well about work, I was kinda pissed off by a colleague who went overseas for some lj exhibition. She asked me to do a sales contract and purchase order for her. Then she never gave me the full information that I need and she asked me to ask her client. First of all, she can easily get that information from her client as she has a blackberry, if she can email me to do those documents for her, why can't she furnish me with the information after she get the info from her client? To save cost of sending and retreiving another email from her client?

Furthermore, it is an urgent order. Why can't she get the info 1st and then give me all those I need for me to do the documents and pass it to her later? She even asked me to send the farking sales contract to her client. For me, when I need someone to do something for me, I wil simply give them all the information they need, including information from my clients. I will NOT ask them to liasise with the clients I am in charge of. By doing so is an act of irresponsibility. Not only that, doing so will cause the client to think, so who is now in charge of this business? Anyway,I can do all those for her, it is only out of goodwill that I told her its not that nice for me to liaise with her client directly cos I AM NOT in charge of it not to mention that I dun earn one darn cent if the deal goes through.

Ah fark it.

elow at 10:58 午後 | (0) comments

日曜日, 6月 17, 2007

[ps3 up lorry]

When I was playing on my ps3 slashing MS last night, suddenly there was no display, a red light led up on my ps3 and I could turn it back on again. I could not even get the game disc out! ...Wanted to bring it down to Sony svc center @ Wisma for servicing, who knows I got down with fever, cough and sore eyes. SONG BOH!!

Well, maybe God is telling me not to play so much games and it is time to find a proper 'life' outside or maybe a gf or something.

How how how how how

Working week has been ok, male boss is away so have to put up with lcb face. There are only like 3 staff (including me) last week cos almost of all of the sales team were out for exhibition in Prague. What's good was probably e huge box of tim tams. Mum is intending to go for a HK trip sometime in September. While during her 2 trips down to People's Park Complex with her colleagues, she bought back Lim Chee Yuan bak gua, 300g costed $10.50! Kinda expensive but they taste really good nonetheless.

So I guess it is also due to the bak gua's heatiness that now I fell sick + the bad weather.

=(

elow at 10:09 午後 | (0) comments

水曜日, 6月 13, 2007

[holy shit]

Indeed shit.

Woke up with diarrhoea which somehow started the night before. Took MC and yaddayadda, just STFU la biatch.

I was quite surprised I actually penned down that whole chunk of emotional garbage. It has been a long time since I wrote something of that 'intimacy'. Then again, how many people read my blog except myself and some other friends? But I do appreciate tags, it shows someone is here and someone read..it is a bit of attention I love.

Have been catching Girl from Hell (地獄少女）on Arts Central. I am quite captured by the artwork. Enma Ai, the girl from hell, was mesmorizing and sport a cute voice altho now every episode seems to be more or less the same on revenging. I wonder if I have someone that I detest so much that I want to send them to hell. Well for women who cannot hold on to their tongues, I hope their smelly mouth and smelly rotten cunt will be sew up with 9 inch barbed nails, with barbed wires and prob to prevent smelly green cunt gases from leaking, the crevices are better be closed with a flame torch.

One little part of me has not been behaving lately. How shld i put it? Well, I believe there is a space for that someone special in their heart. I have mine too, now that it is empty, I do wish someone can be there again. Then again, I find myself absolutely grotesque, boring, dead...among other bad things. So I guess I have to further persuade myself that that special place will never be filled up even if I can find someone who can but things aint going to work out. If it could, it would have worked out already, no?

Right right, I want a gf but that aint gg to happen. =/

elow at 12:59 午前 | (0) comments

月曜日, 6月 11, 2007

[1+0=0]

I love Fridays because it signifies the weekend is coming and weekends mean sleeping longer than usual with no worries and cares and needless to bother with work, ur superiors's ljcb face. As of Fridays, I try not to go home early. I walked ard aimlessly Bugis area on a Friday night where the streets were filled with people, working class, students, couples. EVERYONE seem to hit the streets, maybe some out for a movie, dinner, dates.

As I walked the streets littered with people,lights,sounds,smells. I could not help but feel so alienated. I could almost see the world twirling around me with all the lights going round and round and round. I tried very hard to sieve out for people who were alone by themselves, like I am. But all my eyes could pick up were people WITH people, people with friends, people with their loved ones, people jestering, laughing, holding hands in hands, whispering into each other's ears. The more I look, the more alienated I was. I feel ashamed, ashamed that I was alone, I felt dirty and abnormal that, I had no one with me. I boarded the bus home. As I picked an empty seat somewhere near the back, I saw several couples coming up the bus. I wanted to let them have my seat so that they can sit together but somehow my butt refused to. That feeling of alienation swelled up again.

I wondered, why no one wanna sit with me? There IS an EMPTY seat!!! SEATS!!! AINT PEOPLE DYING FOR SEATS IN BUSES AND MRTS!? I thought, maybe I look weird..or strange..or maybe I am too dirty? Only when people sat besides me, do I feel 'relieved'. Later in the night. I wanted to talk to someone but there was no one. I tried to have some form of human contact with someone, anyone...but...there seems to be no one? Friends are busy with their games, gfs, etc. Some are tired after work and I do not want to be some hassle over my own weakness. There is so much of 'nothingness' inside that I wanted to break down and let go of everything, of everything in the world but I REALLY can't and I DO NOT KNOW WHY.

Saturday, well felt whee bit better. Still, the feeling was on and off. I was worried that I might just let go of everything and go nuts. I am glad I stil manage to hold on to something. YET, there was no one I can call to.

And there is Sunday....and a long long week ahead.

Depression is back after lying dormant for sometime. Will there be an aftermath?

elow at 12:40 午前 | (0) comments

月曜日, 6月 04, 2007

[?]

The weather has been disgustingly hot. It is hot and then it rains hot again n rain rain when the sun is out. Im not surprised if it start to snow in sg one day.

Just came back from a wedding dinner from a much older cousin (40?) @ a Chinese restaurant in The Grassroot Club. The food was honestly not bad and came in big servings (my fave). It has been awhile since I had roasted suckling piglet and roasted duck in wedding dinners. I believe the roasted suckling pig is one of the more traditional dishes in a Chinese wedding dinner but apparently due to health concerns, it was omitted out by many younger couples these days. So there was the appetizers, roasted suckling pig, steamed fish, drunken prawns in ginseng, herbal roasted duck, sharkfins soup, bo cai with abalone,mushrooms n sea cucumber, lotus leave rice and the dessert.

Then the typical qns from my aunts n uncles, seeing the pretty cousins, the nice successful cousins, the studious cousins. I seem to be the odd one out cos Im neither of their category.

Ever since the breakup in 2005 and surviving 2 heartbreaks, I have been letting myself free. Whatever chains which I have been holding on, I have been breaking free from them. Now i think it is just a matter of how many will I release? haha.. I just want to be free from responsibilities, from principles, from what I should do and what I shouldn't. Anyway, just hope I will not totally let myself go al out and become crazy one day.

elow at 12:56 午前 | (0) comments