Johann Low

水曜日, 8月 31, 2005

[rollercoaster]

It is pretty amazing what emotional flucuations the human mind can have. One moment sensitive, one moment down, one moment normal, one moment high.I shall not divulge the main cause of the ups and downs. It is prob me, the same old me. Imagining too much, wanting too much - yet again.

My imagination power is grossly fascinating. I can think up to a million and one scenarios and even have the speeches all up, naturally. And worse thing is, it can be fcuking real, so real it does not seem like a self-painted beautiful portrait of what I desired to happen.

Throughout this emotional transition phase, it is not hard to see why some people find it hard to move on from their past r/s. Friends can advise u, parents can scold u, the whole cycle can go over all and all over again but if the receiptian is not receptive, no matter how much sense being honed will be useless. This is proven when I went to chatroom and ranted all the shit I want despite all the kind advices given to me, they seem not to be be any use, honestly.

Oke maybe some did went in but they did not hit the core. they merely went into superficial layer and just stuck there. The medication nv really reach the much needed 'core'

The same thing happened again this afternoon, emotions were boiling. I hit a downtime low, depression started to sink in. Somehow or rather the kind podders were affected esp one da jie. She was pissed off! She told me off straightaway and her anger seem to be of some therupactic effects. I being to stir and things were getting clear.

Tho some things or images might invoke some tangible feelings. But they quickly dissipate, like a fart in a typhoon. Things ar definitely looking and feeling better.

Why?

Cos I learnt to let go and step aside and take things in my stride.

Casting my will aside and let Him to do His. Weak as some non-believers may say, 'No' I'll say 'Im strongest when im weakest.'

No matter what, the one who caused the stir will be in my prayers.

elow at 10:30 午後 | (0) comments

月曜日, 8月 29, 2005

[Enjoyable day.]

28/08/2005 Sun. This day is one which I have been looking forward to. It was supposed to be a short meet-up but HY's cousin could not make it, so it turned out for me to be able to have 3/4 of a day with HY.

We were supposed to meet at 3.00pm but it was pushed back to 3.30pm. As usual, I will have a poor concept of time and I reached there slightly earlier. I always make it a point to be punctual for any dates or appointments. Was kinda waiting anxiously, cos this is the 1st time I am meeting HY. At ard 3.35pm, my mobile rang and it was a call from her. Shortly, I see a smiling petite gal wearing a pink mini skirt, white spags and a small abercromie bag. She looks abit different from her pics but I think she looks better in person.

Firstly, we walked to Forever 21, then to Topshop and a whole series of shops at Wisma. Well some of the shops I honestly had never been to. ahha. Later I got my comic Sakura Taisen Vol 4 from Kino which I think I not been there for a few months.Then we hang ard cos HY needed to get a free trial pair of lens from her online friend. Then we headed for FEP where we went window shopped again. During the window shopping, it was pretty fun cos we were chatting and when things became a little quiet, HY will get me to initiate a conversation. I really appreciate that cos I can be a bit stone at times :D :P

We stopped by Coffebean at Bugis Junction for a short break. I ordered Sunrise which...tasted..not too bad. haha..while she had pure chocolate which dun really tasted like anything chocolatey. Things were most fun at Bugis Village, we saw this guy doing some weird dance moves to himself. I gave him a weird look then walked past. Then after we walked ard, we saw this guy again, this time I realised he has no front teeth, so I blurted out "eh mei you ya chi de" and HY just bursted in laughter. I was alit taken aback. ahahahha but it was really comical. There u have this ultra fair guy who danced to himself, now we see him with no front teeth? He also talked in an odd manner which simply makes him 'odd' ?

The weather was not exactly ideal cos it was scorching hot, so me as usual perspire being having a few extra pounds will ted to perspire and esp under spotlights, I can literally feel e sweat oozing out. hahaa..so HY realised this and asked, "hey u sweat alot yeah?" Well my reply naturally will be "cos Im fat ma" then she bursted in laughter again. She commented Im a funny guy...and I was a little surprised cos...no one told me I funny / humourous b4?

Later we had dinner at Hoshi Ogawa (?) We had chicken curry set and I ordered another side dish which was basically fried oysters..I had no idea they were oysters hwhahahaha until I ordered. ahahhahaha..the curry rice was not bad and the fried chicken was pretty good as well.

Then saw her to the station near her house and I went home.

Well I really never enjoyed my day as much as on sun. It is a day which I will really truely remeber and treasured.

Thank you HY, hope u are reading this.

Hope to have more chance of going out wif u in the future. :)

elow at 10:57 午後 | (0) comments

木曜日, 8月 18, 2005

[Dealing with singlehood and r/s]

Hanging in FP (Flowerpod) has brought me some insights on how most women see and handle their r/s being current or ex. Most gals have problems letting go of their past r/s esp those who have not found someone new. And its certainly heart wrenching to listen to their sob stories. No matter how old or how young u r, once the hormones in ur body start to kick into action (puberty) which normal gal or guy dun wish to have that special someone..or SO (significant of the opposite sex - FP term) to love and to care for?

Strangely enough I seen many female podders not being able to let go of their past r/s. Some said they wanted to move on, some simply dunno or simply too tired to 'run' another r/s. Indeed, having a SO can have its ups and downs. Having to deal with emotional problems can be over taxing 'emotionally'. But sometimes, the returns are sweet, nothing feels sweeter and heartwarming than having ur SO in ur arms when u are weary and tired, the smell,feel,touch and everything else.

So what is this thing called love? What makes a man and a woman to be so intimately attracted and bonded together?

The 'process' of having 2 persons to meet and fall in love is intriguing and in deed full of wonders. I have a podder friend who got to know her current hubby when her hubby was selling vacuum cleaner and what was amazing was they had knew each other for over 10 yrs.

I am still not that used to be singlehood after being attached for 3 yrs +. It brings me back to the days of NS. Lonely weekends and lonely nights. Balancing myself on a wire between sanity and depression is challenging. Well I was lucky to have a bunch of podders to chat me through the nights. I do missed the late night chats, I do missed the hugs and kisses. I am not Krypton, I am simply a normal and mayb slightly complicated homosapien. I dun look back on past r/s cos nothing will be the same again unless fate dicate it.

Well perhaps I should look more into singlehood and enjoy the freedom it brings, tho sometimes I rather be attached to a special somemore. I cannot focus my attention on too many things or people. I rather have one.

BTW, I bought Cai Chun Jia's new album. It is pretty good!

elow at 10:45 午後 | (0) comments

日曜日, 8月 14, 2005

[Podder BBQ Outing]

This is my 2nd private outing in FP and it was a great one. Was kinda of looking forward to this outing prior to some reasons and some not. I did not prepare much except for a new shirt, face towel and a big water bottle as I did not expect myself to stay overnight. Also, this is the 1st time i spent overnight as ECP? WHAHAHAHAHAHHA.

the weather was great. Lotsa breeze and more breeze and more breeze. The sun was literally hidden behind the clouds and there was a gentle to mildly strong sea breeze blowing throughout the entire night/morning. Food was great, stingrays,otak,black pepper chicken,sausages,Taiwanese hotdogs,chicken wings & satays. I did not eat much tho cos I was having rather bad "wind" in my stomach. I tried not to fart in front of them tho. WHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA

Met some of the podders whom I never met in the 1st outing and as usual I was quiet and not tokking much. Quite contrasting to what I am in the chatroom. I tend to warm up slow. hehe. Some left earlier and some left and came back. We did talk alot, alot abt stuff in FP, the people (nasty and not) in some threads, abt sprees (ladies),army tok (guys). We also had fun playing games.

Later as time proceeds into the wee hours, I was getting tired and well could not really rest well. Thus I went off to sit by myself further up on the shores enjoying the ultimate peace and calmness. The sounds of the sea crashing gently onto the shores, the ever blowing sea breeze, the smell of the sea..all add up. I never felt so much serenity and peace b4. The only thing which reminded me that I m still in SG were the dazzling lights from the ships in the sea and the lited skies and of cos the lights from the lamps. Emotions were at a real-time low. The only thing which was suppressing the 'lid' was probably the serenity. Anyway I m grateful for the 2 podders who came up to me. :D

Soon, it was coming to day time. the Macdonald there was 24 hrs and we decided to have breakfast there. I was amazed how they could stay awake and not seemingly to be tired while playing games. After swallowing down an sauage macmuffin with egg,hash brown and a cup of hot coffee, I felt normal again and enaged more in the conversation. So I guessed it was lack of food causing all those downtimes. WHAHAHHAHA.

At ard 7+, we all headed for home, some back to their halls while the rest went home.

A pity we never caught the sun rise.

So Sat was practically wondering ard at home. I was lazy to go for my Jpn lessons tho I did the homework in ECP. whhahaha.

I am looking forward to the next outing. Wonder if the podders reading this feel the same way too?

elow at 11:19 午前 | (0) comments

火曜日, 8月 09, 2005

[work n hiroshima]

Was stuck at my office door for ard 30 min cos I got no keys to the office and my colleagues decided to come "a wee" later. Today is a big n important day because I need to FEDEX 24 betacam tapes to 4 diff countries. The tapes were all labelled, hand written by our helpful partner from Mediacorp.

When all is abt to be done. My colleague told me some "bad" news. My dearest manager who is now in Korea eating kimchi wanted me to print out ALL the labels for the tapes. The worse thing is I have called Fedex and Fedex being infamously efficient and punctal,reached my office in like 20 min when i was still doing the labels. I did make a 2nd call shortly after to ask them to come at a later time.

Anyway things did not get better cos at ard 2+, my dearest manager asked me to help her look for a hotel in Bangkok! I found a few, one which is toooo much USD227.00 per night for an airport hotel. haha. But I did manage to help them to look for one which is alot cheaper and not that far from the airport.

Having being on adrenaline for more than half a day have it tolls. The back of my head was aching as if someone was hammering on it.

Anyone watched last night CNA's documentary on the dropping of the 1st atomic bomb on Hiroshima? There will be Part II next Sun. Its prob one of the best documentaries i wached so far. It gave so much insight on the ending of the war..on how much devasting power a tiny piece of uranium can cause.

Upon ignition, the fireball was ard 300m wide, temperatures below this ball was as high as 4000 degrees C, which is enough to vaporise steel. People under this ball were turned into vapor in an instant, those who were sitting or what left a mark on the places they were sitting at. When the blast took place, it created a vaccum,so when oxygen floods back, everything burns.

People ard the fireball were turned into carbon...but this is not the end of the castastrophe. Radiation from the blast continued to kill more people as people with radiation burns continue to die.

All these from 2 tiny pieces of uranium.

elow at 1:49 午前 | (0) comments

日曜日, 8月 07, 2005

[Queen of Hip Hop]

朝でなだめてyelling 氷の虚像はbreaking
脳裏に焼き付くcalling 回線put me through it
アクセル全開のHot Way　限界超えてVoltage
目指すはSexyなDiva gimme,gimme,boy im ready

words up
6am sending your mail 画面にkissして　I'm about to go
let me seee ya 心もTwenty six そろそろ着替えのtime
素足に馴染んだ（なじんだ）高めのheelでwalking out of my door
watching me out 本気をここから勝負C'Mon

tick tack lady, tick tack lady
girl sing it, lai la lai la 無我夢中で
drive me crazy, drive me bump bump
boy, shake it, here we go, 未知（みち）の世界
tick tack lady, tick your body
戻らぬ過去の話はnonsense
kick me harder, kick my booty
今だけを確実に生きてく

10pm calling your home 途切れ（とぎれ）だす会話 I'm about to off
Let me see ya 身体でtwenty four 一日絡まる（からまる）bed
素肌（すはだ）に刻んだ（きざんだ）愛しい　絆（きずな）は　keep me strong again
taking me up, coolに何処迄も挑む（いどむ）C'mon

tick tack lady tick tack baby
girl sing it, lai la lai la 上がるtension
drive me crazy, drive me bump bump
boy, shake it, here we go 次の扉
tick tack lady, tick your body
見えぬ未来の不安はnonsense
kick me harder, kick my booty
今だけ一番に感じて

elow at 11:48 午前 | (0) comments