I absolutely abhor this feeling. It is the feeling of a surreal emptiness. The viewing of this world as just a passing cloud where everything is just temporary, when everything seems meaningless, vague, void and tasteless. Yet in this ever shifting world, you have to put up a delectable facade to meet your fellow beings. In the midst of swirling dancing lights,people,chuckles, aroma of food,wine and booze. I felt that time suddenly stood still in my own world. Walls of perpetual darkness sprang up from nowhere engulfing me from within. Exasperated to claw my way out, my will gave way and I succumbed to the walls vowing to bring me down. I can almost feel their fangs, paws, nails posing lethally to dealt me a slow painful stroke.

Yet who can physically testify this? I do not have an alibi. I joke ard, my 'usual' self yet these walls are adhering onto me like countless leeches, they are draining whatever sanity which is left. As much as I wanna preserve this sanity as much I wish to give it up. The need to deal with 2 worlds seem daunting and ever so draining. I felt being eaten tendon by tendon, mercilessly from inside. The insides are being emptied leaving only an almost empty shell. The air almost seem too viscous to even breathe. Air seem to be being drawned out breath by breath leaving a soon to be remnant of a chrysalis.

The only strings attached to this seemingly chrysalis are soothing music,food and whatever is there to keep struggling in this realm. A realm where it feels blizzardly cold and dry like a desert. Where hardly an meagre ounce of water and warmth seem like precious diamonds embedded in the impossible to reach skies. The stillness of a cold night is like a steel cold surgeon's scaple being thrusted endlessly. Swift,deadly,cold,quiet,silent,void.

In this world where anyone could not care less.

Dun you simply adore depression? It is like cutting yourself up and getting addicted to the taste of your own blood. Depression can be addictive if you are used to it.