Johann Low

日曜日, 2月 04, 2007

[have u?]

Have u felt this way?

There's something on ur chest, u felt something but u cannot reckon what it is. U felt u did something which u shld not do, or u nv did something that u shld do and that make u felt guilty. It just weighs on ur chest, it does not suffocate but it is enough to make u notice it and it is enuff to make u edgy enough to blow up at almost the slightest thing.

Yet a few moments ago, I was laughing at the stupidest thing on TV, I was touched at the scenes in the movie on Chn 8. I had quite a heavy supper, it is supposed to make me feel good. But somehow I do not.

I think this is some of the rare moments I feel, lost, needed and sad to say utterly lonely. As much as I enjoy to be alone. sometimes I do hate it. Something is missing somewhere. Attention? I think I need some attention...

Maybe I will feel better if i look at the stars, if any.

Work has been ok, nothing much. Designs of the labels for the coming China Fish exhibition are more or less finalised and so are the new catalog design. The Jpn side is fucking slow as usual and the Jpn dog has the cheek to say my response is slow..slow? how slow? If there are issues from the China side I will reflect it on the same day to them..and they usually take like 2-3days to a wk or more to reply. I need to chase them for my Sales Contracts for 2 weeks..do u need 2 weeks to sign like 3 pcs of paper and fax them? So who is slow?

There are many things which I do say I do not care, I often tell others I do not care how people look at me, I dun care abt this and that yadda yadda yadda... I really hate the idea of people having any negative impression of me. Sometimes I am just being myself and they can conjure all kinds of accused behaviours. I often tell myself that people always think negatively of me,so that in the event when they really do, it is ok. But in reality, I do care, sometimes I wonder if I care too much. Most of the time, I just brush whatever and whatever comments I heard aside to lessen the impact to preserve some of my sanity. I just let them pass me by.

I hope one day, I can stop caring so much.

I feel like I am going crazy. T_T

elow at 12:56 午前 |

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