Johann Low

火曜日, 6月 27, 2006

[back to work]

this wk is supposed to be last official week of work @ my current comp. Guess what, last Fri my bosses offered me a 'package'- an increment of $300.Haiz, so my weekends was spent on contemplating whether to take up this offer. It was 'hell' cos I am someone who has problem making up his mind. There are 2 voices inside. One angel and one devil as usually depicted by cartoons.

Mr Angel says " take up the offer" and began to list down the pros. Mr Devil told me to reject it and also began to list down the 'pros' Both sounded equally convincing, haha..anyway I decided to take up e offer.

Now there's another 'problem'. I was asked if i cld go visit the China factory. Obviously I cld not due to my own reasons. But i was asked to reconsider. Haiz, I hate to think cos sometimes or many a time i tend to think too much. Anyway for the past wkends, my mind was rather filled up of whether to do or not to do.

I dunno what the $300 increment will translate into. I had friends saying their a few hundreds bucks increment translated into daily OTs and other shit. How mine will go, let's wait n see haha..

I got an idea for a love novel. I dunno if i shld start writing it in my blog. =D I love to write, cos it is an method of self expression. Putting things into words is fun to me. Guess I love to write since i was in pri sch cos i like to have my essays to be pinned up and read out to class. ahhaha..

I dunno if anyone has this kinda struggle. I always feel there is a struggle/tug of war inside me, as in the case of Mr Devil and Mr Angel, to do or not to do. It is so draining. To speak of which, depression seems to hit me rather badly for a certain stretch of time, the self despondent period is a good example. It comes in waves, rather like an orgasm or labour pain. Sometimes the waves hit badly, sometimes mild..

I act differently when it hits, I think differently and possibly looks different too.I behave differently too. People who nv had this before prob wun understand. I have a old online friend..who seems to have the same traits. Honestly, I understand it too well. The devil and the angel..i wonder if they know, when they struggle, what is being torn n stretch is the soul of the victim.

elow at 12:43 午前 |

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