Johann Low

水曜日, 3月 29, 2006

[Grasping time]

As I spent 2 futile days at home recuperating from my shellfish allergy, I began to develope this fear of losing time, esp to the fact that my MC is ending and I wil be returning to work the next day. The thought itself dries me up. I look at my mac clock, wishing time will just stop at that moment forever. This feeling is not new, it has happened before when I was in NS. The unforgetable feeling of pulling urself out like stubborn hair to bikini wax to don that digusting uniform with a heavy fieldpack, that pair of boots and that stinky cap.

But this feeling has a concoction of a new element. That subtle yet crippling trace of fear is hardly distinguishable now. Or was it the fact I do not really care anymore?

Honestly I do not know what the prolonged period of fear and uncertainty (coupled with other factors) during that NS stint has did to me. My shattered mind just feel like it is only plastered, yet the wounds do not really heal and blood oozes out so every often even with the slightest jolt. Gorging myself with animal fats and sugars simple serve a temporary platform of sanity.

elow at 12:03 午前 |

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