Johann Low

日曜日, 11月 28, 2004

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I do not know if I am slipping into depression,anxiety once more as recently I am showing some signs of eating disorder. Eating to me is a way of temporaily disconnecting myself from the messed up world around me, it allows me to focus my senses to the food and not to the whatever is going around in the world, in my flat, in Singapore. I seem to be eating too much.

This is esp true if I go to buy lunch, I will tend to think that this packet of something is not enough for me, I NEED to get something else. Eg, during the Sundays when my mum have to work, I need to settle my own lunch. So in the late morning, I will go to Chong Pang Marketto buy vegetarian beehoon ( its good) and another packet of char kway tiao ( which is good too.)

If I eat chicken rice, I will add another small bowl of rice + additional roast pork or whatever is aviailable. But then I will not do that if I buy mixed veg rice from the kopitiam nearby, then again, I will add more rice if I order from other stores.

I used to have so much in my mind that now I simply want everything or most things to be kept to a bare minimum. I simply dun have the strength to muster enough effort to make an effort to do something which I deem as unnecessary. I do not like things to be done the long way. If something can be resolved in the simplest manner, then I will choose to do it. Sometime I am simply too tired to do anything, even when I am doing nothing.

Nothing seems to matter anymore. Sometimes I do get some perks like intending to get comics, cds...but if I do not do it in that spur of moment, I will simply chuck in somewhere in my mind, buried and hidden. It does not matter, anymore, simply.

But I guess I am still holding on to some parts of reality as I still will go to Gorgeous Hair Studio for nice hair cut and the only thing which is keeping my focus dead on is..........to get a computer which will be a dual 64bit computer which wil not run on windows which will not run on Intel processors which is not too cheap but is damn fast and high tech.

It is the Apple's PowerMac G5 Dual Processor 1.8Ghz model. HWHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAH~

elow at 1:16 午前 |

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