Johann Low

土曜日, 6月 05, 2004

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I'm so afraid of falling back to depression now that I am jobless at home. The fact that I have much free time on my hands is risky as I might slip into a black wave of insanity,paranoia,self-worthlessness. Now that i realised the other importance of having a job; that is to keep myself occupied and not let my mind slip into an oblivion of self denial,self hatred.

I was having those "things" in my head again last night and I did not enjoy it one moment. Surprisingly, I found myself reading Biblical materials online and that certainly help. Well its been sometime since i read anything Biblical and I have slipped myself so far away. Still I believe in God but then things are so different and yet so similar now. Im seriously thinking if I shld go back to my pychiatrist again. I feel I am going nuts !!!!

I dunno if I can be happy anymore. I dislike Christians whenever I see them so happy. What are they so happy for ?? For whatever reason shld they be so joyful about when this world is so fuckedup ?! What's the point of living when the end of all things is simply death? I dun see any reason to be happy about.

--feeling much better--:)

elow at 1:18 午前 |

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